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Living Intentionally for a Radiant Heart

How are you doing with living with more intention? Making this a focus, I've realized ways I give myself an "out" from being more intentional. For example, my yoga practice has really fallen off lately. Truth is, when I've not been in a class, I have only done it rarely, other than stretching, which I do every day. AND I know that a near daily practice will make a significant difference in how I feel.

As I tap on my current yoga experience...I see that I've got many ways I avoid it altogether (don't go into the room I do yoga in, get caught up doing other things in the morning, think that the stretching I'm doing is sufficient, etc.). So that's what I do and don't do...but there's an attitude within me that it's ok for me to not do it.

The work (tapping) I did helped me to ACTIVATE that desire to feel good in the way that yoga helps me to do. I wasn't activating it...and it was ok. Do you recognize yourself in this at all? I've started today on a more empowered note, I'm already seeing forward movement in myself. I'm more conscious of my choices and the flow of time.

I've been exploring attitudes this week and have stumbled on some very illuminating dynamics that I will be sharing soon.

I'm loving this focus on intention! I hope you are too!

How do we make the world safe enough for one another to be ourselves? ~ Gabor Mate

reMember about taking the next step to live more intentionally this week. What are you going to do to be more heart-full and mindful of how you walk through your life this week?

This week I want to talk about creating safety together.

Let’s focus on our group. How do we make our group safe enough for one another to be ourselves? Surely, we are more ourselves in this group than we are in most other groups, but how much are we ourselves here? And…what does it mean to be ourselves?

In March I watched "The Wisdom of Trauma" with Gabor Maté, a short film sponsored by the non-profit Science and Non-Duality (SAND). To experience Gabor is to be with someone who has clearly done/is doing his work. He is deep and soulful. He catches people’s emotional moments and doesn’t let them slip by. He is more present than the experts with whom he is conversing, and he is coming from his heart.

He and others are calling from me the willingness to be more transparent and present in ways I have not been…even though I would consider myself a transparent person.

He asked this question today of Sia (apparently the #1 female singer/songwriter in the world with over a billion YouTube views). She shared her struggles and her triumphs and is still very much in the process of healing, but she talks so courageously about being transparent and open. Amidst tears she is able to regulate her emotional experience and express, rather than act out what she is feeling. She is plumbing the truths and the pain of her own attachment issues from childhood and how they are related to addiction and chronic health issues.

We had already planned to begin writing about how we create safety in groups when I watched this exchange today. That jump-started me to talk about the importance of safety.

"Safety is not just the absence of threat, but it’s the presence of connection." (Stephen Porges via Gabor Mate)

So…we make more connection.

And we make safe connection…what is that?

I am describing it as a sharing in which people are listening to each other not just to hear, but also to take in, to be present with. "To be present with" includes not just our attention, but our heart, our body…our ability to bring all of us to possibility of connection in the moment.

We listen with our hearts, not with them on our sleeves, but firmly where they belong, so we are not stepping outside of and losing ourselves in the process (this would be a form of anxious or preoccupied attachment), nor are we only listening while thinking of what we want to say, or not fully listening, or challenging what the other is saying (all of these are examples of avoidant attachment).

As humans, we have not been raised to know how to talk to people in ways that help grow relationships, that deeply honor the other, that make room for us, though, too.

And yet, we have gotten here. That unwounded part of ourselves has brought us here and, as we explore ways we can become safer for others, while learning to speak our truths in ways that don’t increase the possibility of disconnection, the more we uncover the beauty, wisdom and joy of our wholeness. We become resilient…

In group we show up for the whole group as well as for ourselves, we hold in our awareness love and intentions for others’ highest goods. We take risks to be more transparent by expressing feelings (not acting them out). We give grace to others and ourselves.

We honor everyone’s integrity and sovereignty and honor the integrity and sovereignty of the group. We are all doing these things at various levels of capacities and it’s good to give voice to what deep safety in a group means. It’s not just about maintaining confidentiality…that’s the low bar. We are going for something much more profound, enriching and connecting.

How do you choose emotional safety?

Last week I shared how authentic connection is our goal with this special Circle of Radiant Hearts. Safety also means that you always have choices. You get to choose your level of participation. We all go through spaces where we feel more fragile or vulnerable, and other times when we feel our resilient heart radiating. You get to choose what to share, and what not to share in any group you are part of, including Radiant Hearts Circle.

Any time we have the room to exercise our Soul's Sober Sovereignty, we grow. Through the exercises we do each week, my intent is that you are getting more in touch with your body, heart and intuition. These are your personal guiding forces for creating safety for you in all areas of life.

In group we show up for the whole group as well as for ourselves, we hold in our awareness love and intentions for others’ highest goods. We take risks to be more transparent by expressing feelings (not acting them out). We give grace to others and ourselves.

Discernment and Choice is Safety

Discerning what is safe and not safe is key to creating and responding in a choice-driven way.

If you discern that something is not safe, then you can ask yourself:

Is there something I can ask for that creates a sense of security right now?

Is there a modification, a request that helps me still show up in places I want to participate?

 How can I express myself best – in email, text, phone call, or in the chat box or using my literal voice in our zoom circle?

Curiosity and courage are allies as you seek safety in our group, and in your daily lives.

Since last week's email was so long, I'm keeping today brief. I do have more to say on the topic of safety and will return next week with the next segment on this important topic.


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